19 October 2012

even if i don't....

according to darwin, only the fittest survive, those who adapt, those learn how to work their circumstances for them rather than have their circumstances work against them. if that is true, which i believe it is, (to an extent at least), change is mandatory, completely and utterly necessary for survival. this means that plans change.

i look at what my plans were my senior year of high school:
get a freakin' awesome scholarship to get out of mississippi
obtain a money maker degree
marry a hunk

thus far:
i've married a hunk (cha ching :))
moved deeper into mississippi culture
well into a money pit degree that does have the potential to someday possibly be a money maker...maybe
and done very little traveling.

clearly, my life is panning out the way i thought it would. not!!! i look back, laugh, and wonder what the heck happened, and what on earth God is doing. but as i look back, i can't help but look forward and wonder. will i be able to use my degree, or will it be wasted? why am i even getting it? will matt and i be in starkville for the rest of our lives? the questions go on. and on. and on. the question front and foremost though is if i don't make it as a photographer, will i be a failure. what if i never sell my work, make money with it? will all those hours in studios and dollars in equipment and classes pay off? will it be worth it, even if i don't make it. will it be ok, will i be ok, if the plans change again, or rather if God orchestrates my life in such a way so that things don't work out according to plan. will i still believe that He is working all things good? ah, now that my friends, is the real question.

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